My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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