Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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