He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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