Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
They took my balls.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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