Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
