Do you still have your period?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
