you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
