oh god the rape fog is back!
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
