If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
