mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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