Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
