I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
