and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
