I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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