Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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