Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
