This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
the gays at disneyland are vicious
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize