Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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