That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
