well you can't waste a boner
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
