Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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