I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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