ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
