he has the hands of the vagina gods.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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