If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
