He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
How drunk are you?
Completed.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
