Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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