She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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