I got her a Nickelback box set.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
