She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
