you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
