I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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