Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
This baby is an asshole
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
