so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
