i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
