He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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