I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
