one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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