I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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