Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
