Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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