i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
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