You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
