he puts the penis in happiness.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Everyone says I win the strip club
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
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