I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
