I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
