omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
