Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
