If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
