I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
