Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just cropdusted the office
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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