College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
