Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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