My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
