beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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