We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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