your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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