tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Mom said you looked used
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
