I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
im on a boat
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