just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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