Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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