I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
