I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
