I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
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