Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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