U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
