That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
