Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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