Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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