fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
