I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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