I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
